so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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