Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
