We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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