dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
