White coat. Heels.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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