so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
