I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
