She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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