Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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