i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
