I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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