Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
