my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
soo... how was my night?
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