i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
