So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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