He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
