You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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