Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
