I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
