At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Pooping to opera.
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