She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I need to sanitize my soul.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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