I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize