so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
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