Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
