i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
