oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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