why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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