spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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