Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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