What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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