My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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