If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
