omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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