You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.