mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.