theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?