She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better