i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
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The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
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The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious