did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf