nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
