batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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