i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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