he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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