No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
cat food counts as protein by the way
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
