And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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