Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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