my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Randomize
