I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
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The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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