hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
