I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
