I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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