I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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