So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
