Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize