Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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