If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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