I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
