His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
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