dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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