u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
