so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
