TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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