Walk of Shame. In a state park.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
