im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
