Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
