Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I had to cum in my sink.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
