...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
