So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
