He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize