I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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