My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
