explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
