Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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