There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
