Sponge bath it is.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
