this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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