I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
