Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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