I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
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She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
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just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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