she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
